There comes a time in our lives when we are forced to look in the mirror to see the person we have become. Usually when we look in the mirror, it’s with a periphery glance to confirm our hair and makeup looks okay, our eyebrows are not unkempt, there is nothing in our teeth, and our outfit looks decent. It’s an easy seven-second glance and then we move on with our day.
What is not easy, is to stand in the mirror and sincerely look at who you really are. It’s interesting, when we view our reflection, we start by looking down before moving our gaze up to our eyes. We notice little things, like our posture and the shape of our body. But when we reach our eyes, that’s when we make the connection with ourselves. It can be startling.
The first time I did this exercise, I was 23. It was harsh to see because I was no longer the young high-school girl who had it so easy: three hot meals I never had to make; food in the fridge or pantry I didn’t purchase but could grab at any time; and free rent and utilities. Looking in the mirror that day was facing a reality that the girl before me was a struggling college student living with a guy I was dating; taking entire semesters off to work so that I could fund my travels— both of which my parents did not approve; and whose financial support dwindled as a result.
Looking back on that day, I recall the mirror reflecting an image of me I hardly recognized. My hair was lackluster; my body, a size zero. My diet during that time was mostly tofu and veggies mixed with ramen noodles; peanut butter toast, cereal or yogurt with granola; and sometimes grilled cheese and soup. When my gaze finally reached my eyes, I saw me. I remember feeling a stir of emotions and I cried at the sight of the person I had become. Where was the sparkle; the radiance? Quickly, I realized that I had a choice to make: become personally responsible for my actions, where I could get a job and adjust my school schedule, and live without my parents help; or move back in with my parents and complete my education for free. I opted for personal responsibility.
It was the right choice, because today I am an independent and self-sufficient woman. If anyone helps me, I will sacrifice until I can give back because in the end, I am responsible for myself. More importantly, when someone gives, it is with love that stems from a big juicy heart— and that is NEVER to be taken for granted.
2020 and its confinements have forced many of us to look in the mirror to see what we have become and who we want to be after all of this; not only as individuals, but as a nation. It is in this time that we get to discover what is truly important and what is missing. As we attempt to hold on to a life we once knew, we read the news or peruse the feeds on our social media channels, with the hope of remaining connected to that life.
Personally, I believe most of us thought that everyone was interested in the greater good of keeping everyone safe, and that we would be reading positive and inspiring stories. In the beginning, news of communities coming together to help the less fortunate was encouraging; sadly, soon after, that was no longer the case. Angst and spews of hate-filled rhetoric caused rage in our people. What we witnessed instead was mayhem in the streets— protests, riots, martial law and more hateful spin! Recently, we also learned that confined immigrants have been forced to have hysterectomy’s! It’s inhumane and scandalous! And to top it all off, enormous wildfires and hurricane flooding are ravaging whole communities, forcing many to evacuate, leaving some destitute and some hungry. It is clear people are suffering!
Suddenly, the reflection in the mirror is clear: we are fragile at the moment.
If you experience the same emotion I had when I first caught a glimpse of the real me in front of the mirror at 23, seeing the reflection of what our great nation has become should make you want to cry. Maybe you feel shock or are so infuriated that you are screaming in outrage. Maybe you are joining forces demanding real change and have written letters, this time not to Congress, but to anyone who will listen, if only to band together. Yet, in banding together, we must be cautious that our actions for change are driven by love and not hate, otherwise, how will it be any different than before? Hate is hate, no matter how you dress it.
And like my 23 year-old self, appalled by my sad reflection that day, each one of us has to make a choice: will we find a way to resolve our problems together and unify; or will we continue to choose sides, further deepening the divide?
Independently, as we look at our reflection in the mirror, the questions arise: Who are you? What have you become? And how will you proceed within these challenging times? If you look in the mirror today, do you know who you are? Do you know what kind of life you want to have tomorrow? What kind of life do you want for your children... your grandchildren? Are you making choices that come from love?
If we are to change, we have to make a change to be a better person. It’s not easy sometimes because there is always the option to take the route you are used to. But find a way— even if it means sacrificing some of your desires. Making the choice to be responsible and accountable comes from love; for yourself and your community. This is an important testament of what composes a quality person.
What is most important about the exercise of looking in the mirror, is to see the person you are today. Over time, we make changes with the hope of becoming a better person which means the person you were at one point in your life no longer exists. Of course, remnants may remain; hopefully though, it is your core good qualities. The minute you decide to become accountable for your life in hopes of being better, or becoming a more decent human being, is the minute you get to work on the person you aspire to be.
If at some point you were convicted and had to serve time, and then found a way to rehabilitate yourself for the better, then the minute you walk out the prison door, you are no longer felon number X, you are the name you were born with. Use that name, be proud of it! And do not refer yourself to the felon you once were... instead, refer to the person you are today; the new and improved you. Or, if at one time you performed acts against a person that were not loving or responsible, and if you have atoned, and more importantly, you decided you would never do it again, then when you look in the mirror, stop looking for that unloving person. Look at the person you are today. It is important that you allow yourself to be forgiven, so you, in turn, can love yourself without judgement.
It’s important that we acknowledge when we have changed for the better. We should extend that same kindness to others and accept each other— regardless of whether they dress, act, or think like you.
Circumstances do not define you, but your choices and actions after the fact do. So here’s the challenge: look in the mirror with sincerity, not only at your physical self, but deep down in your soul. What is working— or not? The person you were at the beginning of your journey is not the same as the person you are now. It’s okay to lose touch with that person if only to allow yourself to fully become the person you are meant to be today. It’s okay to keep the good qualities. So love your old self, and like a white dove once caged, let her go. We are meant to be happy, and live a life of peace and love.
I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be. ~ Joan Didion
Our nation is facing a perilous time of a deep divide. When we speak with each other, it is with hate, non-acceptance of a person based on their skin-color, socio-economic factors, or something they have done in the past. We need to lose touch with the qualities that makes us act this way. Our choices today, will impact who we become in the future.
Let’s aspire for peace!
Suite Madame Blue, gaze in your looking glass. You’re not a child anymore. ~ Styx