Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. —Epicurus
When I first read this quote it put me into a contemplative mood, where I have spent the last week assessing whether this applied to my life at the moment, wondering if staying in is what I once hoped for.
It’s been seven months of limited movements, and if only to fulfill basic needs. When I have to leave the house, I place a mask over my nose and mouth and brave walking into and around the grocery store to purchase tasty treats, or walk around a park for exercise where No One else wears a mask. And I say little prayers, like, “please do not let me get sick.”
Most times I am home, where I occupy my time working, writing, thinking of ways to sell my t-shirts, and mostly searching for the words to inspire peace and encourage love. Listening to music is another pastime, as well as reading books and intriguing articles about the world around us on the Internet. Sometimes, I paint or draw. Also, I spend time admiring my plants as they seem to be growing and flourishing at a faster pace than I remember from years before, all the while trying not to kill them by overwatering. I have cleaned out and reorganized closets, rearranged my living and office space countless times so that I may appreciate a beautiful view of the park across the street from anywhere in the house.
Today, as I was working at my desk, I saw a flash of movement on the periphery. When I looked up and out of my window, I noticed there were falling leaves from the trees across the street, like feathers free-falling in the air during a pillow fight. It was so beautiful that it made me stop what I was doing so I could watch the yellow leaves gracefully let go and flow in the direction the wind took them.
It’s been quite some time since I have taken a moment to pay attention to this cycle of life happening right in front of me. I felt grateful.
And that in turn made me realize, I am at peace.
Is this moment what I once hoped for? An opportunity for blissful living without the stress of having to wake up two hours early just to arrive at the office on time or to be “always-on” for twelve to fourteen hours a day. And time-out from traveling across country for work, which used to give me only 36 hours to be at home where the focus was on doing laundry and wiping the dust that had taken residence while I was away...
My thought is yes!— this is what I once had hoped for. I am a writer after all and any chance I get to pen something is most valuable to me. Having an opportunity to spend more time in the house I call home is priceless; and taking the time to just sit and watch autumn leaves fall is like a daydream.
Even though 2020 has been a moment of stand-still, I find that I have been given a gift that I hope to not take for granted. I have been given time to write, create, and inspire peace; the opportunity to admire the beauty of nature; to enjoy the space that I call home which I have sacrificed so much of my self and of my time, in order to have. Of course, I imagined the man of my dreams would walk into my life this year but I suppose it is not yet meant for me. And that is okay— the right time will come.
"If you feel like you are losing everything, remember that trees lose their leaves every year, and they still stand tall and wait for better days to come.” — unknown
It’s weird to consider we are starting to close out this year, it feels like it just started, and yet ironically like it is never-ending. 2021 is on the horizon, and who knows what is on that other side. While this year has not been the most ideal, I agree with Epicurus. We should not focus on what we do not have, or what we have not been able to do. Instead, we should enjoy what is right in front of us. Let’s take these remaining moments and savor every bit of it: the extra time you have with the people near to you; watching nature’s cycle of life bloom right in front of your eyes; enjoying what you have worked so hard to have. If you have family living with you, the time you get to know them even more.
This still moment seems to be presenting an opportunity to enjoy your life in all of it’s glory. Here, you get to re-learn the importance of patience, kindness, and love, and you get to practice it until it becomes a natural habit; such as using kind words, or even by being silent and non-judgmental.
We have an opportunity to change, like the season, and let go of anything preventing us from being amazing!
This is my favorite time of year, Autumn. I love the change of temperature and the colors of the leaves. Pretty soon, most of the trees in my neighborhood will be a brilliant yellow, and it is energizing! This is also when I begin to consider what I am grateful for.
This year, I get to start my list with:
I am happy
I am healthy
I have everything I need
This time is mine
I am safe and protected
I am at peace
I am hopeful
Yes it’s been a challenging year, for some more difficult than others, but like the trees that lose their leaves, let’s stand tall and wait for better days to come. In the midst of it all, remember the moments deserving of gratitude.
What are you grateful for this year?
How will you begin your list?
1. I am…