“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it's less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you've lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that's good.”
― Elizabeth Edwards
The shine of the morning sun that splashed through my window on New Year’s Day was bright. The hope of a new day and the promise of redemption after wiping the slate clean inspired me to try one more time to be a better person.
As I happily leapt out of 2020 and took steps to welcome the new year, I recalled where I was this same time last year. Do you remember where you were? At the time, I had just completed a work project in Mexico, celebrated a milestone birthday of a dear friend, and then was on a journey into Canada for another work project. This year, in stark contrast, I find myself grounded in place attempting all business endeavors from the comfort of my home. The start of this year is not at all like last year. It’s been… interesting.
Yet, even with it being a new year, the start is seemingly more of the same of what we have been experiencing over the last year, except now, it is with a new level of heightened anxiety. Covid cases are rapidly increasing while the virus is becoming more contagious, hospital ICU units are at capacity, and frenetic rants over the U.S. Presidency election has resulted in thousands of people rioting the U.S. Capitol where six people died. In horror, we had to watch armed U.S. Citizens trample over democratic values that we hold dear, with zip-ties in hand, and the erection of a gallows pole, for what I can only surmise would have been for a lynching of some sort. I’m sickened, this is horrifying and abhorrent!
So, uh, happy new year? While I started the year with different vibes, the events of the last two weeks has made it all feel anticlimactic. Is this what our year is going to consist of? More fighting?
No, I say! Don’t give up. Rather, let’s be resilient!
We need to remember that each one of us is empowered to choose what will constitute our reality. By participating in the hateful rhetoric, you enable its survival by fueling its fire. And worse, you spark the flame of hate within yourself. Please don’t get me wrong, I am deeply disturbed by what is happening and find it appalling. I’m not suggesting we just sweep it all under the rug. What I am saying, is don’t become a part of the madness by engaging in counter discussions that are just as angry. While I support peaceful protest, I do not support armed protests that result in violence or insurgency. I do not support the death of our democratic values; not one bit! That being said, be vigilant, of course; but, enable yourself to be resilient!
While the last year, and even the last couple of weeks have been our most difficult to bear, we are each empowered to change the course we may find ourselves on, so that we may heal, albeit mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Last year was the most difficult financially for most of us; and for some, it’s been the most traumatic with the loss of loved ones. It’s been a real challenge indeed.
So how do we move forward?
Well, let’s remember that we just survived an unexpected disruption to our lives! Despite the ongoing political challenges, we still have an opportunity to start 2021 with a clean slate. From here, we get to define what, and how, we move forward. Here are three things I’d like to offer as a suggestion:
One: Understand what you can control
Personal debt: set a workable budget and knock off each item month-by-month. Use your natural leadership skills by setting a strategic approach and then make the hard decisions. For example, do you spend $50 on a desired pedicure or place that $50 towards paying your credit card down? Choose the credit card payment and then give yourself much needed self-love by tuning into your favorite sounds and tend to your own feet from home. Do you take $100 to hang out with your friends at the local bar or restaurant, or do you spread out that $100 towards groceries, and an additional payment on your car? Choose the groceries and extra on your car payment! We’re in the middle of a pandemic, after all. Do your part by staying in. The good times will return!
Work to pay down your debt so that when the time is right, you will have the funds to go out and really CELEBRATE!
Your health: take a look in the mirror— are you starting to look as tired as you feel because you’ve been taking safety measures and staying home mostly? Take a shower and then spend time styling your hair, putting on makeup, and selecting the perfect outfit to go out for a walk. This will make you feel a little more human again. Or consider doing lunges in your driveway, or jumping jacks, and then stretch. Maybe even rearrange heavy rocks. Whatever you choose, find a way to get moving again; it helps more than you realize. A few weeks ago, I did just this, and after putting my mask on and tuning into a podcast with my headphones, I walked three miles round trip to deposit a check at the bank. It was refreshing.
Don’t forget your mental health: If you need to find a support group to discuss what you are feeling, please reach out. Don’t suffer in silence. Please.
You can visit https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/managing-stress-anxiety.html for more info.
Unfinished goals: now that we have found a way to live with the biggest disruption, and after creating habits that help facilitate a new normal, revisit your goals from last year. Are there any items that are still relevant to your life? How can they be incorporated into your goals for the new year? Use your natural leadership skills by setting a strategic approach and then, after deciding which goals still hold merit, work towards fulfilling them.
Only you can control the direction of your life. There might be a disruption, or even a setback, but by allowing flexibility, you can redirect your activities to meeting the goal(s) you set via a different path.
Two: Remain connected
Strong and healthy relationships are perhaps the most valuable ways we can remain confident, positive, and feel grounded. Maintain connection with people who are positive thinkers and are driven to move past the doldrums sparked by this pandemic. You’ll recognize them… they will have the same positive spirit and will be solutions-driven. If someone attempts to pull you into social situations that you are unable to control, change the verbiage, and pull them back up to a healthy state of being. We are all in this together! And together, we can help each other remain connected, and moving forward, past the madness.
Three: Reaffirm the meaning of love
Perhaps the best way to be resilient, is to remember that your strong character built on integrity and goodness rests on a foundation firmed up with love.
By loving the Earth, you will see God’s grace. The light that comes from the sun, moon, and stars; the air that we breathe, the sacred ground that grows the foods we eat, and supplies the water we drink. And the firm ground that we get to build our home upon for safety and security. By taking care of the Earth that hosts us, we feel God’s love. We are humbled to understand that we are one small part of this big universe. We get to experience gratitude.
By loving another, albeit someone you know, or anyone you do not, you may experience that not one of us is perfect, but each one of us is integral to this life… it establishes a sense of belongingness, and the acceptance that not being perfect does not make us unlovable. And that, in and of itself, makes us feel hopeful.
And lastly, by taking the time to love yourself, even if it means to embrace the hurt feelings, the rejection, the fear of stepping out there, you understand what it takes to find the courage to be your best self. And when that happens, you find the confidence to stand up for what you believe in, to do what is right in your heart and mind, and to accept your mistakes, learn and grow from them, if only to pursue the truth, which is that
You Matter!
We are intricately woven together in this world. Not one of us is less important than the other. By reaffirming the meaning of love, we recognize that we are not victims, but that we have the choice to be a beautiful part of this life we get to live.
To be a beautiful part of this life I was born into… that is the flame I choose to light the path of my 2021 journey. The last year has proven that nothing is certain; there will always be some sort of disruption… the question is, will it prevent you from participating in the beauty of this life?
Choose to be resilient! Overcome the challenges and find a way to move around the disruption.
Happy New Year!
Let’s make it beautiful!