Life is amusing, interesting really; even more so during this bizarre COVID moment in time, where we independently attempt to fathom its purpose beneath summer blue skies, filled with nimbus clouds that seemingly dance across the plains of Texas. Lately, temperatures have elevated into the triple digits, which means I mostly stay in my air-conditioned home.
It’s not until the end of the day, when it is a little cooler and before the sun drops completely, that I step outside to sit on my porch to watch these clouds build and move to the hum of the wind song. The gentle sway of the trees provide me shade, while the call of the cicadas and other sounds of nature adds to the song. It is beautiful. And I find myself breathing more calmly while the stressors consuming my mind seemingly dissipate into the air and the summer breeze blows them all away.
What is this stand-still-and-wait interruption of life? And more importantly, why are we letting something so meaningful, living a quality life and breathing with ease, be diminished as a politically divisive approach to our humanity? As I scroll online across a variety of postings, the hum over social media is angry, hateful and shockingly cutting, with people addressing strangers using the most unkind words. It affects me. It affects me greatly.
The other day, as I watched the billow of a cloud build above me, feelings from previous life experiences filled my mind. I remembered moments when I felt happiest; when I was smiling and laughing. I remembered the human connection of being near like-minded people— whose heart seemed to beat to the same drum. It was in those moments where I thought, “this person is my kind and should be called friend.” When social media applications enabled a platform to remain connected, I remembered how exciting it was to search for all of those people whose heart connection I felt was tied to mine. It was an amazing opportunity to stay connected, regardless of where we were in the world. These were people I claimed to love as a friend, or family member. And now, I find myself questioning just what exactly connected us to begin with.
It has been over 130 days since self-isolation was introduced into my life as a new habit to be developed; my COVID response. Admittedly, it has not been easy; I miss going out to meet friends for cocktails or fun snacks and simply having a human connection to those I love and care about. Being a single woman, I feel as if the opportunity to find an amazing man and fall in love, is waning faster than the moon in my night sky. Nevertheless, I am grateful to be healthy, safe, and alive.
I am also grateful for the quiet moments to look up and out, and remember how beautiful this world I live in truly is. And to look in. To look in my heart and understand the person I have become up to this point. To understand the trajectory of the path I have been treading —and where it may be leading me, ethically and morally. Where I get to take a moment in time to decipher the meaning of life— and love.
These quiet moments have been truly inspiring and motivating because for the first time in too long, I heard my heart beat to a cadence that makes me feel at peace. And today, I am humming the song that fills my heart; my song is love.
What song is your heart humming, in these indeed different times? What is your wind song? Can you hear it?