When the election ended, the world celebrated— in almost every state, Americans gathered in their city streets, big and small, to pop endless bottles of champagne, bang on pots and pans while dancing, singing and chanting words of pure elation and joy! Their prayers have been answered. While some took to the streets, others celebrated their jubilee at home by turning up the volume and dancing to their lively music in celebration. Firecrackers brightened our American skies that were once heavy with the dreadful loom of darkness that hung overhead; even church bells rang around the world. The extraordinary excitement is due to the prospect that the greatest divide our nation has seen during our generation will finally come to an end; an end to hate-filled rhetoric; and a potential start of being kind to one another again. Like a shooting star in the night sky, this is sign that a preferred state of being is with love in mind; which I find exciting! As motivating as this is however, the fact that almost 50% still supported a candidate that didn’t stand for love means we need to continue to be mindful.
As we begin to find a way to close out not only this year, but the last four years, we should take a few minutes to remember— it is love that ultimately wins, every time!
It’s also important to remember that love is the cure we need as we make attempts to heal, not only as a country, but with a renewed approach to healing relationships with our families and friends. The division we have been experiencing seemingly started during the previous election year between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, when we found it easy to lambast people we didn’t even know over social media. When that kind of trolling on strangers’ posts began, it became too easy and a second-nature habit to lambast people you loved over social media. I think this is the catalyst of our great divide. And it wasn’t until Hillary Clinton ran for president that the rhetoric became more hateful, not only on social media, but in person, with anybody. It’s as if decorum became as obsolete as manufacturing in America; where a comeback of one, or both, would be a welcome and true delight, and beneficial to our society, even if it begins simply with a modicum of decorum— the art of social graces could become a welcome contagion.
The thing is, both sides are guilty. I remember a time when, after a disagreement with anyone, I would talk about it with my mom. Strangely, we always think our mother should be on our side, no matter what. Well, with my mom, the first question she would ask was, “Well, what did you say?” Or she would also ask, “How did this conversation start?” “Why is being right about this one thing important to you?” “How does your stance on this subject become more important than how your friend feels about it?” Inevitably, though, she would point to one comment that I told her I had said, and in return, she would say, “Well, Rachel, like it or not, you started it when you said xyz… if you would have said nothing at that point, this discord you’re feeling would not be yours to own. And if you find this relationship valuable, then it’s up to you to apologize.” Of course, I would retort with, “Mom, why can’t you ever just be on my side?” Now that I am older, I realize she was. She was always on the side of making me accountable for the words I say. That is love.
We have all posted words, opinions, viewpoints, unnecessarily, on a post that may have made the author feel humiliated, or we might have actually said words to their face which may have hurt their feelings, or worse, ultimately severed the relationship. We may have become so angry at another for their opinion that we may have become steadfast in a hateful belief that has been fed by the hate building out of the anger that started it. We might have even adopted a hate for the rich or the poor; a person’s culture; their race or color; their religion, or general belief on something or anything that may have been seen as offensive. And when pointed out, the other was made to feel defensive, triggering an argument that is pretty moot. Moot because how you believe, and how another believes, is based on personal choice. What is not moot, is how we treat each other, meaning we should not feel the need to kill someone, or target another threatening their personal safety all because we are offended, or their beliefs go against how we choose to live our personal lives. These feelings leave us feeling lonely, and ultimately unhappy. That is not an ideal way of living. This is not love.
So, how do we reset? How do we find a cure for moving forward or apply the bandaid of love over this still open wound so that we may heal, together? How do we let love win?
Anais Nin once said:
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
In our second blog, Does Love Die, we dive into ways to replenish our heart and soul. In light of our country having a revived opportunity to move forward, those three ways we discussed in that blog are relevant, even more so today:
Accept it’s not about you
Find it in your heart to forgive
Internalize and Redefine
For this week, let’s focus on the second: find it in your heart to forgive. To forgive another is how love wins! It’s true, forgiveness is not easy. When we are hurt by another person, the anguish is like a constant yank of the soul; the wound, the pain, the memory; it runs deep. When we enter a relationship, allowing a person to get close, we open our hearts. We share private tidbits of what makes us unique. We give. Sometimes we give everything in the spirit of love.
As we move forward as a nation, begin to think about any severed relationships that were once meaningful; as we have an opportunity to accept how we had a role to play. As my mother once did, asking questions to dissect the conversation, each one of us will need to dissect our part in the discussion, discovering what words were interjected by us that could have been avoided; try to understand why being right about this one thing is important to you… and why your feelings are more important than that of another’s. Moreover, if the tarnished relationship is valuable to us, are we willing to apologize for our part— meaning is the love we feel for another more important than our bruised ego?
To forgive, just as to be kind, is a choice. When you choose to forgive someone, you choose to love. And when you choose to love, then love wins, every time!
Let’s heal together. Forgive. Love one another.